


NEVER HAVE I EVER

by Anne_Fairchild



Category: Red Cap (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Appreciative Bottom, From Sex to Love, M/M, Responsible Topping, Romance, Semi-PWP, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:39:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne_Fairchild/pseuds/Anne_Fairchild
Summary: An alternative story of how Giles and Thomas meet and begin their relationship. See end of To Thine Own Self Be True for link to photos of Giles and Thomas.





	NEVER HAVE I EVER

The sound of their breathing was loud in the room, and it would be some time before the sweat of exertion would evaporate from their skin. Giles felt several things at once - an overpowering exhaustion, amazement at having had the best sex of his life, and embarrassment that he’d allowed sheer lust to drive him, and behave so out of character.  He hadn’t done or felt anything close to this since he’d been a teenager, and he ought to be more in control of himself now. His body ached a little, but in that filled, possessed way that made it a mostly pleasurable discomfort.

Full of endorphins, he wanted to curl up with his lover and sleep, but he didn’t know the man well enough to know if he even wanted him to stay at all. He felt equal parts sated satyr and awkward schoolboy. He was afraid to look at his partner but knew he had to, whatever the consequences.

He rolled over to find warm brown-hazel eyes gazing at him, appearing to mirror at least some of his own feelings.

“All is well with you?” the voice that had both fired and melted him almost as soon as they’d met asked.

“Yes. I - I don’t know what - I never - “ Giles attempted to express himself but could only stutter foolishly.

“If you’re trying to say you don’t usually jump into bed with someone on first meeting - neither do I,” his partner returned.

“I haven’t felt this way with anyone for a long time,” Giles tried again. “Maybe never,” he added honestly.

“Nor have I felt so, also for a very long time.”

“What you must think of me - “

“What I think of you is that you pay me the best compliment one can have, and I know it is honest.  I’m pleased that you wanted to be with me when you could have your choice of young men.” His low, soft rumble reassured Giles.

“I didn’t - I don’t know how old you are. It was the last thing on my mind,” Giles blurted out. His lover laughed softly and reached out for him. He moved closer and let his head rest on the broad chest, which was furred with brown and also a few white hairs. Shy now that his desire had been quenched, he let his fingers tentatively brush through the damp, wiry forest.

“I’m not going to kick you out of bed to go home, if that is your thought. I hope you will stay with me, if you like. Besides - I don’t think we are finished yet, are we?”

At the words, Giles felt an arrow of heat course through him and his cock twitched, as tired as he was.

“I don’t think we are,” he agreed. “But not just now,” he mumbled.

“No. Not just now.” His lover agreed, stroking his arm. “There is plenty of time for us still.”

Giles closed his eyes and drifted on that delightful, carefree thought. He was aware at some point that the sheets were drawn up around him, and he slept.

When he woke it was still dark outside, but the occasional sound of birds told him it wouldn’t be long until dawn’s first light. He left the bed carefully and went to relieve himself. Coming back into the bedroom he stood at the window, trying to put some order to yesterday’s events, failing, and finding he didn’t care. The room smelled of sweat and sex and far from disgusting him, he found it arousing.

He didn’t hear his companion or know he was close until strong arms encircled him and pulled him back to lean against reassuring solidness. God, he wanted more of this man!

In the darkness, moist palms teased his nipples as soft, warm lips kissed and gently nipped the back of his neck and the tops of his shoulders. The same delicious tension as before began to move through his body, enticing tendrils flowing from head to toe. He felt as if his fingertips ought to be crackling with electricity - until the hands moved lower, stroking him, his lover’s cock swelling against his arse.

Giles whimpered with need, then groaned loudly as he was possessively fondled in every private place. He allowed himself to be steered back to the bed with the soft promise of more to come.

As aroused as he was, he felt a desire to return his lover’s caresses. He suddenly wanted to do all the things he’d thought or wondered about but had been too shy to try with others - not that there had been very many others. He was so eager to give in return that he forgot his shyness. His lover responded by coaxing and encouraging him when he faltered, and letting him know his efforts were very much appreciated and enjoyed.

When the man’s hands or mouth were on him, Giles felt completely possessed, and half-drowning in arousal and need. It was true - no one, in any sexual encounter he’d ever had, had made him feel like this. It was like a drug he was already addicted to. Every place on his body was more than sensitive, craving his lover’s touch.

His cock was hard, and was being further tended to by knowing hands and a mouth that was moving slowly down from his lips to his nipples, his navel, and ultimately aiding the sure, arousing hands. There was, however, no rush. Giles was brought close to the brink of orgasm at least twice, writhing and thrashing and crying out in frustration, before the slow invasion of a finger in his arse and the clever mouth sucking him sent him crashing over the edge.

He lay still for a moment, shuddering with pleasure as his belly was licked clean of the evidence of his almost frighteningly explosive release. But he wasn’t really afraid, and he couldn’t satisfy himself as to why that was. It had been almost instant, from their meeting, but what was ‘it’, exactly? Lust, certainly. Chemistry that was strangely both physical and emotional, and - trust. He had only to look at the man to feel safe, yet they had known each other less than twelve hours. It was insane.

The finger was back again, invading and retreating, moving in a circular motion, teasing and stretching. Giles shivered with anticipation. He was shifted on the bed and the gentle exercise continued, his head now resting on his lover’s thigh.

“You are not used to this. Did you submit to me last night because you thought I must have it, or must want it?”

“I - it’s been awhile since I..did anything, with anyone,” he admitted, embarrassed but trying to be honest. “I’ve had good experiences..and bad. With you, I wanted to. And now I want to even more, because,” his voice dropped to a shy whisper, “the way you make me feel is incredible. It’s never been like that for me before.”

His lover sighed, and the soothing finger was gone. Before Giles could wonder what he’d said that was wrong, he was being held in close embrace, kissed slowly and with tenderness. His mystery man lay a cheek against his own.

“I like the way you make me feel also. You are my dreams come to life, _süßer heiser Mann,_ ” he murmured.

“I could say the very same about you,” Giles smiled. He looked as if he might say something else, but didn’t.  

The changeable eyes regarding him crinkled at the corners. “My name is Thomas. Thomas Strauss,” he teased. “And you are Giles.” Giles winced in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” he groaned. Strauss laughed.

“You forget my name because all you can think about is how great having sex with me is, and you think this is something to apologize for?” he teased. “I do not mind.”

“You haven’t - I mean, I’ve had my - and I thought you were going to..but you want to..talk?” Giles puzzled, a bit confused and slightly anxious.

“I only want to be sure you actually wanted me to penetrate you.”

Giles shivered, and a slight moan escaped him at the very descriptive word. Strauss did not miss either expression of his feelings.

“I do. Want you to..penetrate me.” Giles’s voice was husky now. “Not just - I want.. _you,_ ” he revealed softly.

“ _Ahh, mein Schatz,_ ” Strauss groaned, kissing him very thoroughly.

“We will continue as we started, and go slowly, so that you will be able to walk and sit when the weekend is over and not regret your enthusiasm,” Strauss informed him.

“Did you say ‘weekend’?” Giles asked. His heart was beating very fast.

“I have no other plans - unless you do?”

“No. No plans at all,” Giles admitted, overcome by emotion that was no longer centered solely on the physical. He buried his face in Strauss’s shoulder for a moment, as his hair was stroked. It was Saturday morning. He didn’t have to get up and leave in an hour or so. He could stay, and they would be together for almost two more days. More incredible sex, but also more closeness, more talking with this man who had suddenly turned his life upside down.

When he sat up, Strauss pressed him onto his back, slid a low cushion beneath him, and bent his knees.  Giles closed his eyes, not in fear but in anticipation of he wasn’t sure what. When he felt the warm swath of a tongue over his balls and anus, he gasped and groaned.

“You like that?”

“Yesss.” Giles didn’t recognize his own voice. He was floating. The sensation continued as Strauss’s tongue slowly continued to lick the entrance to his body. He started to understand what Thomas meant. He found himself relaxing, his body much less protective and tense, as he let himself fall into the sensations and enjoy increasing trust. No hurry, no worries. It also flashed through his mind that not every man would be as kind, gentle and generous in such a situation as Thomas Strauss.

The tongue was eventually augmented with well-lubed fingers stretching and relaxing him. He was making sounds that he ought to be embarrassed about, but wasn’t. As he wanted to express what he was feeling, his lover also deserved to hear it.

Strauss was intermittently stroking his cock or leaning over to kiss him, adding to his feeling of being wrapped in a blanket of safety and care. Most of his other partners had either not been into kissing, or used it as an attempt to dominate, which Giles hadn’t enjoyed. Strauss - Thomas, he reminded himself - kissed him as if he meant it, with affection and tenderness as well as desire. It was the way Giles had always hoped he’d be kissed some day.

The attention stopped momentarily as Giles watched Thomas stroke himself and then open a condom package. He rolled it on with the ease of long practice, and coated his cock with more lube.

He was entered slowly, giving his body time to adjust. When Strauss was fully sheathed, he stayed still for a moment, reaching up to touch Giles in reassurance. So far this was very different from last night, which had been all passion and heat of the moment. This was no less erotic and fulfilling, however; in some ways it was turning him on more.

When Strauss began to move, Giles moaned.  As a rhythm began, slow and steady, he huffed low groans, whines and growls of pleasure. This wasn’t the nearly-anonymous fuck of last night, it had a different meaning, as they could watch each other’s faces, see into each other’s eyes, and nothing was hidden - at least, not as far as Giles was concerned.

When Strauss asked him to sit up on all-fours, Giles pressed hungry kisses to his mouth, nose, shoulder - wherever he could reach. He knelt and bent over, eager for the ride.

The strokes were more purposeful now. Giles’s feeling of possession echoed the night before, and all he could think was _harder, faster!_  Strauss was close to coming, and Giles was now lying almost flat on his stomach, his lover’s arm beneath him. Thomas growled and groaned and came hard, soon afterwards collapsing over him for a few moments to catch his breath.

After he had rolled off and disposed of the condom, Giles clutched at him.

“What is it , _liebe?_ ”

“Don’t go..anywhere yet. Please..Thomas,” he breathed. His lover ruffled his hair softly, leaning down to give him a deep, slow kiss. He reached up and pulled Thomas firmly down to lie beside him.

“Soon I must get up and take a shower, and then you can do the same while I look after some breakfast. But for a few minutes at least, nothing would give me more pleaure than lying here with you,” Thomas agreed. He slid in beside Giles, who went into his arms, snugging himself tightly there.

“It was all right for you?”

Giles laughed, and fought a bit of manic overreaction in his response.

“ ‘All right?’  Thomas, it was - No one ever took such care with me before. It was - you were - perfect. Completely perfect,” he murmured, his face tucked into Thomas’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry that no one has treated you as you deserve before, but I’m glad you enjoyed it. I certainly did,” Strauss smiled, dropping a kiss to Giles’s forehead.

“I know, I’m not very good at..everything. I haven’t had a lot of practice,” Giles sighed.

“You were fine, _liebe._ Better to act on emotions than to be practice perfect without them, at least in my opinion. That you wanted to please me, I knew, and that was more than enough,” Strauss reassured him. “And you are quite welcome to practice,” he grinned.

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” Giles grinned, shaking his head. “ Perhaps I couldn’t have, in England,” Giles sighed.

“Not around your family, or those you know from work. It’s the same for many people. Are you out to your family?” Thomas asked.

“No.”

“Because you fear they’ll reject you?”

“Mostly, I suppose. I don’t know,” Giles mumbled. “I just - my father and grandfather have had long military careers. My father is a brigadier, a sort of not-quite general. I don’t think either of them would be pleased. I’ve already disappointed my father for not making it into his regiment.”

A rather large red flag began waving itself behind Strauss’s eyelids.

“You are in the British Army, then?”

“Here to report to my first post as a commissioned officer. Not the Guards like my father and grandfather, but the Special Investigations Branch of the Military Police.”

Strauss’s heart sank. This could not be happening. This beautiful, sweet and unconsciously sexy young man was to be, if not precisely off-limits to him, at the very least someone difficult to have a relationship with, needing to tread carefully around possible conflicts of interest. It could be an unhappy minefield.

“What do you do, Thomas?”

He should have expected that.  “I..work in city government.” He needed time to think. He needed to have more time with Giles to be sure that what they could have was worth saying more now.

“I’m going to get up and shower. You stay in bed and keep warm until it’s your turn.” Giles nodded in sleepy agreement, content to lie in the bed they’d shared and bury his face in his lover’s pillow.

His lover. The thought made him feel more adult, and also more accepting of his sexuality. He’d never had someone in his life that he thought of as a lover before. He didn’t know if Thomas would want to keep seeing him, but he hoped so. The sex was amazing, but it was rapidly becoming more than just sex. He’d told Thomas very personal things he wouldn’t have admitted easily to anyone, yet he had no fear. Maybe he should. Really, he knew almost nothing about the man. Easy to say he didn’t care, but he knew he had to care. What if he was a drug dealer or a black marketeer? He wasn’t, Giles was sure, but still …

Their breakfast was fairly silent, each of them thinking their own ‘where does it go from here’ thoughts. After breakfast, Giles insisted on doing the washing up. Thomas suggested a drive around the city, and Giles was grateful - both as a way to try and get his bearings in the town and because they would have something else to talk and think about besides themselves. Yet even as they drove, Giles’s thoughts returned to Thomas’s bed and what he’d enjoyed there.

They stopped for lunch at a small place that Thomas said had the best sausages in the city, and Giles had his first currywurst. He cheerfully decided it wouldn’t be his last, either. They shopped for dinner - veal chops, fresh vegetables, wine and a few other things.

Back at the flat, Strauss found that Giles was a comfortable companion who knew his way in a kitchen, and he was easy about the prep work too.  No pretensions, Thomas found himself thinking with relief. They opened a bottle of wine, and by the time dinner was nearly on the table, the meal had been somewhat delayed due to frequent bouts of kissing and groping.

There was much less tension at dinner than there had been at breakfast. Being in each other’s company doing everyday things opened a window that both of them had been afraid to open on their own. That things were unfolding naturally, with no effort, was a relief. It was hope for Giles, and reassurance for Thomas that he wasn’t feeling too much, too soon.

Alcohol brought out an unguarded playfulness in Giles that delighted Strauss. He was a bit like a purebred sexy puppy, eager to experience and to learn, and free with his affection.

In Thomas, the wine loosed a man unashamed of romance in all its physical manifestations. Giles was kissed, cuddled and held, not only with sex in mind but because Thomas was letting his feelings show. Feelings that Giles echoed strongly. Physical affection was something he hadn’t had in most of his prior experiences for fear his partners might seem less dominantly masculine, he supposed. Yet he’d never been so aroused and satisfied as he was with Thomas. His own nature was to be physically affectionate, so he was delighted that Thomas shared his enthusiasm. More and more, the feeling that this relationship could be something more than its start was creeping up on him.

After dinner they watched a little television, and after that, there was mutual consent to adjourn to the bedroom. Awkwardness had gone, but passion had not. Giles, uninhibited and unembarrassed now, offered to ‘practice’, and began to learn what pleased his lover and what was less pleasing. When he experimented, he got mostly enthusiastic feedback. Thomas was increasing his confidence by leaps and bounds.

Giles continued to surprise Thomas. The beautiful young man seemed in so many ways to be his soulmate. Thomas wasn’t a religious man but he did believe in Fate, and he couldn’t shut down the idea that perhaps their meeting was meant to be. Here was a lover who didn’t rebuff his softer nature, who in fact appreciated it and responded in a like manner. Giles might teach him as much as he could teach his young lover. It was a satisfying evening for both of them.

                                                                          ***

 “Thomas. Thomas, wake up!”

He was very happy to wake up, and also to not be waking up alone, but with someone’s arms around him. His heart was racing and he was wet with sweat.

“You were dreaming. A nightmare, I think?” Giles asked quietly, his hand at the back of Thomas’s neck.

“Yes. I’m sorry to wake you. Please, think no more about it,” Strauss muttered, embarrassed.

“Don’t do that with me. You don’t need to,” Giles told him softly.  He held Thomas silently for several minutes, until his heart rate and his breathing slowed. Then he got up and with a ‘be right back’ went into the bathroom. He came back with a glass of water and a wet cloth. He wiped Thomas down, then gave him the water, which he gulped. He pressed Thomas gently back in the bed, resting his head on his lover’s chest with an arm draped over him.

“You can talk about it if you want. I’m a good listener.”

“It was..a common dream, for me. Not unusual, but not so common that I feared I would have one when I’m..with someone.” He wasn’t going to let Giles know that he’d never before had one of his nightmares with anyone he’d brought home. He was shocked that he’d had this dream with the young man in his bed. His subconscious was always just wary enough that he didn’t let it happen. That knowledge, and Giles’s reaction to his distress, allowed him to make his decision.

“May we talk about it in the morning? I think perhaps with you here I might be able to sleep again.”

“Of course.”

“I’m glad you were here. Thank you,” Thomas sighed.

“I’m glad too. Shhh, go back to sleep then,” Giles coaxed, stroking his side softly, until he was fairly certain Thomas did sleep.

                                                                         ***

The next morning, the sex was slow and tender, sensual and sweet. It seemed very natural to Giles. Their relationship had become organic in its evolution. He stopped questioning it and trusted his feelings.  Thomas enjoyed being held as much as he did, and wasn’t too proud or too macho to let it happen. Giles was happy, and feeling so comfortable with Thomas that he began to wonder what would go wrong. So many things in his life had already gone wrong; it would be a miracle if this did not.

They showered and had breakfast as they had the day before, but Thomas said nothing about going out. He sat on the sofa with a mug of coffee and beckoned Giles to join him.

“What you did last night, what you said to me, was special for me even if you don’t think so. The dream I had was a version of the same dream I’ve had many times in the past twelve years. An innocent person killed before my eyes because I could not prevent the killer from doing it. I am a detective in the Brandenburg police force, Giles. I am also the police liaison with your SIB. So there will be times I will be working directly with your team.”

A knot started to form in Giles’s stomach.

“I thought at first not to tell you. We had only just met after all, and these three days might only have been a pleasant interlude in our lives and nothing more. Perhaps it wouldn’t matter, other than disclosing at some point that we had met.  But now I think perhaps there could be..a genuine relationship between us. I would like there to be a relationship. But if you don’t - “

“Stop right there,” Giles interrupted quickly. “Yes. Yes, I want to keep seeing you. I don’t know what it is we have between us exactly, but I think we do have something. Something good that I don’t want to lose. Please, Thomas. Will it be forbidden?”

“I don’t know if it can be forbidden by your military, but it could be very uncomfortable and your colleagues may not be happy about it. If it is pushed, I may no longer be the liaison.”

“Would that bother you?”

“No, not particularly. But you have a new career. I don’t know all the Army regulations on such things. You may not want to have this worry.”

“I worry about so many things. What my father thinks and what he wants. Being in the closet. Fitting in and doing a good job. If I have you to turn to, I think my other worries will be less, not more,” Giles reasoned.

“So it will be for me as well, I believe. You take me out of myself and let me feel good things, happy things that I have thought sometimes I never would again. I want you in my life, _liebe_ Giles. You are good for me,” Thomas smiled, leaning to kiss him.

“You,” Giles breathed when he came up for air, “make me believe I’m an adult. I like that - and I like being needed by another adult. And when you touch me - you know,” he grinned, at once both shy and bold.

“It is agreed, then? We tell them, and hope for the best?”

“We do.”

Thomas stretched out on the sofa, pulling Giles down on top of him and putting his arms around him in a firm embrace. Giles rested his cheek on Thomas’s chest with a loud, happy sigh. They lay like that, quite content to do nothing more than listen to each other’s breathing, for quite a while before Giles spoke.

“Thomas?”

“Yes?”

“Currywurst?”

Thomas Strauss gave an uninhibited laugh. Whatever he might give to Giles, the young man would repay him tenfold, he was sure.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don’t expect anyone will see this; I really did write it just for me. If someone else sees and enjoys it besides me - yay! These two are my fannish happy place and I guess I can’t stop writing about them. And as I’ve said before, if you’re reading this, you know why I write in this fandom 😈
> 
> liebe - dear or honey, a love-word  
> süßer heiser Mann - sweet hot man  
> schatz - sweetheart, etc. literally, ‘treasure’


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